Hi
My name is Terry.
I JUST turned 37 yesterday. I had a blog on Livejournal for 8 years where I discussed among other things my devout beliefs in The Craft but my mom was diagnosed with cancer last year and died on Valentine's day of this year and I just stopped writing completely.
I plan to go there and bring some important 'cant live without' posts to this blog but for now I will just post this and see if I can get the ball rolling again, It's been a year and a half since I blogged so I am a bit rusty but I will do my best!
Let's see. I am Gay and in a new relationship with a guy named Don, he is 43. He is also Pagan but a non celebratory kind, he has no need for rituals or anything along those lines where to me if I didn't have my rituals I would be lifeless. :)
My sister is also a Witch but she does not speak to me and hasn't for 7 years, I am very sad about this but I do not know what to do to get her back into my life that I haven't already tried, I have even tried a return to me sister, spell. I have tried everything except go to her house and demand that she speak with me, so frustrating!
Let's see.....
About my basic beliefs....I do not consider myself to be Wiccan, Just a Solitary Eclectic Witch. I was raised in and around it and so I have had a lot of experiences starting at the age of 9. My Aunt Helen was a Witch and taught me that The Goddess was The Universe/Nature and that The Goddess was IN Nature as well and therefore all of Nature was Sacred, Holy, Divine and I still live by this code of thought today, I have never believed in and doubt I will ever believe in a God, a male energy, though I will admit that The Universe does have a Male AND Female energy to it, does this make any sense?
I was raised to explore and experience as much as I can and to do as little harm as possible to The Universe/Nature but of course we must harm something in order to live so this is why I do not understand The Wiccan rede, besides I am an all or nothing kind of person, there is no way that I could claim to follow the rede and not be a Vegan because to me, The idea is to live life while causing the least harm as you can and eating meat and animal products does cause a lot of harm to the animals themselves, our own health and also the Planet and no I cannot be Vegan, I have been down that road but I love food too much to limit what I eat, my boyfriend will not eat Vegan and so for now, at least for where I am now, i cannot follow that idea.
I do believe in the law of return-sometimes! Look at the world. Do good things really happen to good people? do bad things happen to those who do bad? I do not know. It doesn't look like it but then remember we don't always see what happens behind closed doors to people who do bad things! Maybe the law of return does work but I will tell you that I do not believe in Karma because Karma is NOT the same thing as the law of return and belongs in Eastern religions. :)
Of course I believe in Magic and Ritual. I have used magic most of my life and have had some wonderful experiences. I have done magic for healing-although I did cast spells to help my mom when she got sick and nothing worked. Yet I am not one to doubt my own experiences and I have had magic work on many occasion and so I have no choice but to believe in it.
As for Ritual. I have my own ideas on how to celebrate. I have random ritual days where I spend the entire day in meditation, reading, doing trance, spirit dancing, listening to music and whatever else feels right, I consider this path to be a very experiential path based on Intuition and what feels right-always, I do not go by what other people tell me is right, I do not go by other books, for example, I have NEVER cast a circle when doing ritual and magic because it has never felt right to me to do that and many books and of course many Witches would love to tell me that I am doing it all wrong but I say to that-Mind your own business!
I was raised with a divination system where Dice are used. Actually one single die to lead and guide me into the right path. I am to read various books such as 365 meditation books and devotionals and roll the die to see if doors are open and which direction to take my life next. I still use the die but I see it more as a random force and therefore I use it in food and travel now more than anything else, I no longer trust my life decisions with it. Though it is how I ended up in Las Vegas and it's also how I met Don, The die led me to both. So I am torn on it. :)
I was also raised with the idea that you must wait for doors to open before you can live your life or have anything that you desire and I no longer believe this to be true, I have evolved so much over the years into being who I am now. I love personal evolution. :)
Lastly so that you are not confused.
I as I said earlier am an ALL OR NOTHING PERSON. When I explore a new idea, a new religion or it's practices, I immerse myself completely into that idea so that I can truly get a first hand experience of what it''s lessons are. I want to experience completely what a Christian feels, believes, faces from non believers, I want to know what a Satanist ritual feels like, what happens inside The Church of Satan and how people feel about them or 'us' when I am in that role and so right now I am exploring Satanism but not as in depth as I would like because mom just died and I am trying to deal with that as best I can so give me some time and I will continue to write and explore!
Blessings!
